i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
