I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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