It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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