I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
