apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Terrible idea I love it
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
