He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
