Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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