I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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