last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
