i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
