And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
