we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
