Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
vagina is talking i cant
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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