I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
