Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Pooping to opera.
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