Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
