I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Success! We fucked roommates!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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