I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
