just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
