I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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