If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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