apparently the secret to your success is patron
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
