So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
