I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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