Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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