I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
