I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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