I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
