"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
