you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
