Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
