Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My pussy is not your playground.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
