after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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