this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
