its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
