its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
