I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
