You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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