He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
