dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
