Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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