Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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