this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
