don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
