I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
