I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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