I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I deserve this hangover.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
