What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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