I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
