i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
