Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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