so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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