Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
