Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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