WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
