guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
