so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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