Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
