yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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