My friends, they love my intelligence
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
