how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
